The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country’s love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public’s insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.
“This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous,” said Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist at the Natural Resources Defence Council.
“Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age. Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.” Making toilet paper has a significant impact because of chemicals used in pulp manufacture and cutting down forests.
“I really do think it is overwhelmingly an American phenomenon,” said Hershkowitz. “People just don’t understand that softness equals ecological destruction.”
Oh American’s know, they just don’t care. Wiping their behinds with nice soft paper is way more important than deforestation, the loss of habitat for orangutans and tigers, etc. Bush said it best didn’t he? ”The american way of life is non-negotiable”.
That’s right; your Charmin “squeezably soft” is fucking up the environment.
Something to be said for alternative ways of cleaning one’s ass after taking a dump.